Edit: This is a submission in response to Scott Butki's ongoing set of writing challenges... explained here
I've got a question for you. Do you ever get so annoyed by a single question, typically a repetitious one, that you start giving the wrong answer? You know... "What the hell is that thing on your neck?" or "Why are you only wearing one shoe?" That kind of thing?
Perhaps you don't understand my plight, or perhaps you do. In any case I've developed a serious aversion to the way people are ALWAYS asking me "What time is it?" GET A WATCH! Honestly! Doesn't everyone have a cell phone these days??? Aren't those all automatically updated, like, every 1.5 seconds by state of the art satellites miles in space which are directly connected to state of the art atomic clocks which are faaar more accurate than I could ever dream of being!?! Lately I'll even catch people staring at me, STARING, as if they're trying to get some kind of information out of me simply by using their eyeballs! Take a friggin picture why don't you!
Now, there was a time when I didn't mind so much. I had my new little state of the art LED lights in all their little black holes, and I enjoyed the attention. After so many ignored burnt out lights, being backed into by Hyundais, people simply forgetting to switch me for daylight savings, and most of all having to listen to that Citgo sign across the street bitch and moan about how he gets changed so often these days I simply don't care anymore. I take that back, I stopped caring years ago. By now this smoldering ember of apathy has slowly grown into a blazing inferno of resentment.
In fact, I'm making it a personal point to display the WRONG time whenever possible! HAHA! Oh, and it won't be consistent, it won't be some linear change that one could possibly extrapolate the right time from... no... it's going to be COMPLETELY RANDOM! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Hmmm... actually I bet I could really have some fun here. Perhaps some days I'll make myself 10 minutes fast, and then the next day 10 minutes slow... making the fools who glance my way think that they're plenty early for that important meeting.
So suck on that newfangled million pixel automatically updated digital clocks... soon I will raise an army of my neglected brethren and we will wreak havoc on all the punctual punchinello's out there! Unless of course they have a cell phone...